Deep in the Merde – and only the best will do!

During the last couple of weeks there has been the smell of bonfires in the air as everyone in our voisinage has been burning the last of their garden debris. This week the air has a completely different smell, poo! Literally. All preparations are under way for the potager. For anyone not familiar with the potager please see below.

According to my neighbour Henri not any old poo will do – take it from someone who has one of the best potagers I have ever seen – the secret is to use sheep poo. Now as readers of this blog know, this is a delicacy for my weimaraner Oliver, he has been in seventh heaven this week eating and rolling in it! I have had to hose him down after nearly every walk this week, that is of course after I can catch him as he runs around the garden on a herbal high.

We really are deep in the merde here and only the best will do – sheep poo!

Potager – Defined by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potager_garden:
A potager garden is a French method of creating ornamental vegetable or kitchen gardens. Often flowers (edible and non-edible) and herbs are planted with the vegetables to enhance the beauty. The goal is to make the function of providing food aesthetically pleasing.
Plants are chosen as much for their functionality as for their color and form. Many are trained to grow upward. A well-designed potager can provide food, cut flowers and herbs for the home with very little maintenance. Potagers can disguise their function of providing for a home in a wide array of forms--from the carefree style of the cottage garden to the formality of a knot garden.

Flat pack - send it straight back!

It had looked so colourful in the catalogue, just what my son needed to keep his books in order. On wheels too, what fun. Not so much fun now that it is all in pieces in front of me with accompanying bags of screws.

The instructions had 2 people holding hands with a clock underneath saying 45 minutes. 2 people who are magicians maybe. 2 people consisting of a 42yr old and a 3.5 yr old, I think not. Actually, Théo put the wheels together whilst I was working with pieces 1 and 2 and the bags of screws A and B.

3 glasses of Bordeaux and 2 silkcut later I was sorely tempted to throw the whole lot in the nearest pubelle. Théo, who by now had given up to and was watching me from the sofa with Ollie (our Weimaraner), said that I should have bought one "already made, Mummy." Out of the mouth of babes and all that. Next time that is exactly what I am going to do!

Flat pack - send it straight back.

It's a Jungle Out There

Last weekend myself and a friend took our children out to a park in one of the nearby villages. We headed for the play area and let the children run off to the slide whilst we sat on an adjacent bench (IN the play area). After 20 minutes I just could not bear it any longer. WHERE WERE ALL THE PARENTS. OUT of the play area it seemed. For some the childrens play area is a place where you simply leave the darlings whilst you have a smoke and a coffee elsewhere. Preferably at a distance so the shouting and screaming does not interfere with conversation. I am all for parents having rights to and getting their chance to relax but I think it is super mean to achieve that by dumping all responsibility for your offspring onto unwitting strangers. Mediating between young children is difficult anyway but even more so when you don't know who they are.

What happened to learning about sharing and the use of words and phrases like "a moi", "a toi", "chacun son tour", "partage". It became quicly obvious that there is no univerally shared sharing system. More like who can grab the quickest. Is there no playground etiquette?

One baby, about 10 months old, was sitting at the end of the slide with pebbles in his hand. My friend alerted the father who was not worried in the slightest and told us to carry on. Carry on as in saying "ok kids keep coming down the slide, never mind the baby at the end he will provide a soft landing"!

One last thing, the park in the beautiful village of Anduze is well worth a visit. Not only is there the childrens play area but lawns to picnic on, pigeons to chase/feed - depending on your age! There are ducks and swans who are partial to a baguette and a goldfish and koi-carp pond too. May I just say that if you come, we could do with some help in the childrens play area! IT IS A JUNGLE OUT THERE.

The Older Woman

Our neighbours daughter had her fourteenth birthday this weekend and we were invited along to the celebratory Goûter.

My son, who is 3 and half years old, was memerised by all the giggling girlies who were trying out the new make up, music and hair accessories. It was all glitz and glamour and dancing to Mika, until someone suggested football.

Now that really impressed Théo, an older woman who looked good and could still kick a ball!

Give a Mum a laugh and pass this on ............

My friend Sally e-mailed this to me. Have not stopped laughing.

FOR ALL THE GREAT MUMS

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mummy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly. "All mums know this stuff. It's on the Mummy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mummy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH... I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Daddy."

"Exactly," I replied back with a big smile on my face.

When you're finished laughing send this to a Mum